Every Life is a Story
Every Life is a Story was a weekly life storytelling group for women…
at the Freda Mohr Senior Center of Jewish Family Service-Los Angeles that I created and led for five years. The inspiration for the group’s format came from the novel The Women’s Decameron by the Russian writer Julia Voznesenskaya. Ten women in a Leningrad maternity ward, awaiting discharge but quarantined by contagion in the hospital, pass the time each evening by swapping stories from their life experiences on topics they agree upon the night before.
The group was remarkably diverse, including, among others, two Polish Holocaust survivors, a woman expelled from Iraq with her family when the State of Israel was created, the daughter of an Orthodox rabbi in East LA, and a Japanese woman who had grown up in Mexico. The women in the group shared stories on a different topic each meeting, from childhood advice to their first paid jobs to losses that yielded unexpected opportunities.
Every Life is a Story culminated with the creation of a wall calendar that featured photos and stories by nine of the women in the group about their most treasured objects. Every woman’s birthday was noted in the calendar, in addition to anniversaries and the birthdays of family members. The calendar was a source of great pride for the storytellers.
“I got this medal in a little town near Prague in 1995, 50 years after my liberation. The mayor of the city presented us with this as a souvenir of liberation 50 years after. I’m proud of having this medal, because the mayor and all the people in Czechoslovakia were very nice to us. They told us that we are really something. They asked us to sign autographs like we were celebrities. All the children came and got in line, and we were sitting and signing autographs like actors! They made dinners for us, and they made all kind of movies, and they tried to make the best for us, like to make up for things we went through. They felt that they were a part of what happened to us. That’s why we were celebrated.”
- Adela
“In 1974, my friend and I went on a cruise in the Caribbean. They had a dance contest, jitterbug and ballroom dancing. I love jitterbug. But not like they do on ‘Dancing with the Stars!’ We went in the contest, and we won first prize. This trophy reminds me of all the years that I danced. It was the happiest time of my life. Dancing was my whole life. Everything could hurt me, but when it came to dancing, nothing hurt—until we got in the car after. I took five girls to the dance three, four, and five nights a week. And after dancing four hours, you should have heard us in the car: ‘Oh, my back!’ ‘Oh, my feet!’ ‘Oh, my neck!’ Oh, everything! But like I say, nothing bothers you when you’re dancing.”
- Anne
“This was one of my happiest moments. My mother ordered this horse for a picture on my 5th birthday. I was so proud. My father was an Orthodox rabbi, so we lived in this big old house right next to the synagogue. There was always a lot of chaos. He used to send me to make sure the members came to the synagogue or sell reserved seats for the High Holidays. There weren’t a lot of happy memories from my childhood. That’s why I cherish this picture, so I can say, ‘Oh boy, at least I was happy then!’”
- Vivian
“My dear mother gave me this necklace when I was a child. We left Iraq in 1950, during the revolution, during the aliyah to Israel. Everybody had to leave, and we couldn’t take anything with us, just whatever we were wearing. Some women couldn’t bear to leave their jewelry, so they swallowed it before the trip to Israel. I don’t know how this necklace survived. I didn’t swallow it, I remember that!”
- Clair
“My Maltese’s name was Sebastian, and he lived with me for seven years. He was the best company for me. He pushed me to walk. I walked him four times a day. I don’t know if it was his face, but people were drawn to him, and we’d start talking. When he passed away, I missed him as if he were my son. I still do.. I have his picture on the side of my bed, and every day I say, ‘Good morning, baby. How I miss you!’ I know there are a lot of dogs waiting to be adopted, but I didn’t want to replace him. Because nobody can replace my Sebastian.”
- Emiko
“We fled from Poland to Russia when World War II started.. I was four years old. I don’t remember having any pajamas during wartime. Nobody had pajamas. I didn’t even know that pajamas existed. From Russia, we went to the DP camps in Stuttgart, Germany. Then we came to Jerusalem, because we couldn’t get an affidavit for the United States.
Life in Israel was very difficult in the beginning. Even though my mother was a seamstress, there was no fabric to buy, nothing at all. So people brought her old things, and she changed them and made something. She worked at home. After high school, I went into the army. The first holiday we had, I came back to Jerusalem to see my family and found a surprise on my bed. My mother said, ‘Open it, it’s yours.’ It was a beautiful, beautiful surprise for me. Pajamas! My mother made them from pieces. I don’t know where the pants are. Perhaps they are somewhere. But what is most dear to me is that my mother did it.”
- Hadasa
The Mature Women’s Guide to Living
The second iteration of the group used story, improvisation, and mutual support to explore issues in the lives of older adult women, such as ageism, family relationships, loss of independence, scams, health, friendships, romance, and sexuality. Improv offered the women a certain remove from their own experiences; role playing a “character” gave them the freedom to address intimate topics, usually with a good deal of humor.
The prompt: a couple has been dating for a few months, and the man wants to be closer.
Hadasa: Did you like the movie that we saw last time?
Emiko: Yes, I enjoyed it very much.
H: You see, and we could do it every week if you want.
E: Yes, I would accept this.
H: You know what? I am very lonely. This is a fact. I lost my wife a year ago. And I would like to have a person to talk to, to discuss the places we went and what’s happening in the world. Just to have the person near me. What do you think?
E: To me, that’s okay. We could have some talks.
H: But I’m asking if you could be near me. A little nearer.
E: I have to think about this.
H: You have to think about everything, it seems.
Testimonials
“When I hear the word story, it’s very attractive to me—to tell a story, hear a story, read a story. This is what brought me to this group. It’s not exactly like going to a psychologist, it’s not the same. Here, I tell the story like I want to tell it.”
— Hadasa
“One of the wonderful things I’ve gotten out of coming to this group is what it’s like to have a group of women who are close to your own age and have some of the same things going on. We’ve shared all of our different feelings together, and it made us closer and gave us a better understanding of what it’s like to be a senior.”
— Eleanor
“I have gained so much from your loving care, empathy, your understanding, and the delicacy with which you handle all these questions. I don’t know if you realize how much you’ve enriched our lives.”
— Ida
“I’d never been able to be in a group. I was too shy. It was hard for me to say something, especially something that was maybe not too nice. But in this group I felt I could say anything on my mind.”